I have gone back to IV Ketamine treatments and it has done wonders. I am trying to space them out to every two months and so far so good. I notice the lozenges they prescribe seem to work better. Every time I take one, the next day I have tons of energy, I end up cleaning the whole house and I even feel happy. I usually end up doing too much so the day after that I’m pretty exhausted. It’s just great to have the energy and motivation to do every day things again. I’m feeling pretty optimistic overall about my depression.
My anxiety on the other hand is still not great. I seem to have developed pretty extreme driving anxiety and that makes it very difficult to leave the house. I end up having to take Xanax every time I drive. I just started doing EMDR again, but for driving this time. My therapist helped me realize that the reason I have this anxiety is in part because I feel trapped. When I’m driving on the highway with plenty of space around me I’m not as anxious. But city driving, bumper to bumper is just horrible. Nobody likes traffic, but I almost hyperventilate because the anxiety is so bad.
This feeling trapped definitely stems from trauma from my last relationship. I would try to leave the apartment but he would often block the doorway. One time I did make it out the door and to my car, but when I tried to back out he had parked his car right behind mine so I couldn’t leave. I still can’t believe all of that happened to me. It feels like a lifetime ago.
I really hope EMDR works for driving. That’s all the updates I have for now. I hope you all are doing well.
Peace be with you
-S
A Lifetime Full of Sundays 